Fulfillment is what we need. We want to know that we have value; that we are significant, that we are loved, that we are embracing all that life has for us. However, in our effort to please ourselves, to bring glory to ourselves, and to guarantee that we are loved, we become destructive toward others but even more destructive toward ourselves.
The thesis of this blog is that personal human fulfillment is not a result of life; it is what we must have to live life. It is not something that we achieve; it is something we receive. We cannot cause fulfillment. It is our effort to fulfill ourselves that brings the negative results. Psychology has told us for years that we must have a positive self-concept. The problem is that it is difficult to just “have” a positive self-concept by willing it out of thin air. Firstly, there has to be a reason for it that does not depend on what we do or how others react. Secondly, it requires the input of love from a reliable and substantial source of love. The supplier has to be an ultimate infinite being. Everyone else will fail us.
We must be fulfilled before we take any of the steps that life requires. Only the person who starts the day having already accepted the gift of fulfillment as the power of God’s love can function with joy in all circumstances. It is God who gives the love that is everything that we want out of life, and that is everything that we hope for. It is found in the greatest relationship which is in Jesus.
If we have not accepted the fulfillment that is freely given by the loving God, we have no choice but to seek it on our own. I can testify that the fulfillment that God gives freely is enough, and the evidence of the world around us ought to be convincing that fulfillment is not found no matter what else we do or what else we acquire. God does not judge us for our destructive state without Him. He knows that we have no other choice. That is the reason that no person should judge another.
We seek fulfillment through achievement, power, goodness, relationships, pleasure, and self-satisfaction. As we fail or anticipate failure, we are angered or discouraged by the things that are in our way. In our effort to remove the impediments to our happiness, we use destructive means. We become driven by the destructive emotions of jealousy, envy, and anger.
Seeking Achievement Destroys:
The first problem that presents itself in seeking personal achievement is in failing to achieve. The greater problem, however, is what we do about the failure. Since it is primarily other people, other things, and other situations that are in the way of our achievement, they become the targets of our unhealthy emotions. We will see below illustrations of how these unhealthy emotions destroy.
Power and Control Destroys:
Psychologists call power and control people addicts. They are usually weak and often mistreated in childhood and could not impress a parent. They drive themselves to personal perfection, hard work, competitive spirit, envy and jealousy. If put in a position where they can be in control, they become addicted to seeing people respond to them. They are micro-managers and they will eliminate competition. They think they are the only ones who should be in control and they are fearful of criticism. With their power and control, they have the perfect solution to their problem because everybody seems to love and respect them. The truth is that some people will use the addicted person to gain their power and other people will only want to get away from them. The addict almost never realizes what he is doing, and it is nearly impossible for him to change. His end is destruction but not before he hurts people along the way.
Seeking Goodness Destroys:
Israel was supposed to be God’s means of rescuing the nations from destruction, but they cherished their holy separateness in opposition to their covenant with God. Many Christians today fall into the same pattern of cherishing their holiness and judging the rest of the world for not being like them. This attitude is in opposition to the work of God to rescue every person who will turn to Him. The failure of holier-than-thou people to give the love of God to others causes destruction, but mostly to themselves. It was easier for the prostitute and extortioner to accept the rescue of Jesus than it was for the righteous Pharisees.
Morality naturally causes judgment of other people and it is a common occurrence for all people, Christian and non-Christian, to criticize others. It is only when our morality is seen as God’s gift and not our achievement that the pride that causes judgement can be eliminated. To be moral without the love of God causes destruction and many Christians as well as other moral people destroy. The cruelty of some “Christians” is the reason why many people do not want to be one. We must understand that being good is not the problem; it is the pride in making ourselves good that is the problem
The Destruction of Relationships:
Right relationships are the real purpose of life. We naturally seek them. They are the source of our greatest hopes, and they are the source of our greatest disappointments. We work to attract people to relationships by our goodness and our achievements. However, when our self-fulfillment becomes the purpose of relationships, we sow the seeds of destruction. Relationships can only work if we are totally self-giving, and we cannot do that if our purpose is getting. So we continually ruin relationships by insisting that others give us the proper recognition, and, if not, we make them pay for their misbehavior.
The Destructive Power of Pleasure:
We associate pleasure with the best of things: eating, breathing clean air, sleeping, intimate love, and many others. It is apparent that God intended us to enjoy every aspect of life that is in His purpose for us. However, once again when we seek, through self-effort, to make pleasure our purpose, it fails to deliver. We can give up and not enjoy life, or we can double our effort to obtain it and fall even harder. Pleasure can be accepted in the Good life but not pressed beyond what it is. When pressed it becomes addictive, and we become destructive.
The Destructive Power of Self-Satisfaction:
We are not saying that we judge anyone for seeking self above others because everybody does it until he or she is rescued. We may be willing to give to others but when the motivation is self, we need a return on our gifts of time, talent, and material goods. We can satisfy others to a point, but we do so to get satisfaction for ourselves. It all works for a while until we think that someone is not giving us the attention or the glory we deserve. Satisfaction turned inward is destructive.
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