I know that fulfillment is found only in the presence of God. It was not until I learned to offer up to God my self-centeredness, self-serving, self-provisioning, self-governing and my right to myself that I could have a walk with Jesus that put me into the presence of God. I began to trust Jesus and have a hunger for the things of the Spirit in my freshman year in college but I spent another twenty-five years in self-centered living that was destructive to me and also to other people. I am sorry for that. Guilt for poor living, however, can keep us from God because it has its birth in thinking that we should have been good without the supernatural gift of God’s power in love. For me, it took a final act of giving up self to be in the presence of God.
Even now, I am not always in the presence of God. My old self is always there, unchanged, begging me to return to thinking I am a god. When I return to self, I have none of the benefits. I have discovered that God does not make me good and give me peace and joy so that I can return to thinking I am still the center of the universe but now am an even more superior being than before. Humility is part of the package and daily avoiding the lure of self-centeredness is part of my walk with Jesus. As I walk with Him, my time in the presence of God increases daily and my relapses to ego become less and less. This is His doing, I claim no credit. My part is being aware of self-serving attitudes, words, and actions and offering myself to Him and waiting patiently for His transforming power in love. I have also learned that I do not have to be cloistered in formal worship to be in His presence. I can be in His presence in the midst of sickness, defeat, people, turmoil, unloving attitudes, insults and personal attacks. In fact, the real test of my being in the presence of God is if I can live for Him and not me in the real world.
The presence of God is given to me each moment through the victory of Jesus over sin and death, through the cross. It is by the will of the Father, through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit. In His presence, I am not angry because I have nothing left in myself to defend when other people offend. In His presence, I am not jealous because I have no reason to be higher than any other person. In this place, I do not find fault with people or judge people because my ego died with Christ and it does not need to be vaunted above other people. I have learned that if you cannot forgive past hurts you cannot know God. In the presence of God, I see that no person is higher than another no matter what they do. In Him, I see that all people are equal in His sight. In the presence of God, I have no ravenous appetite to control other people. Power is God’s alone and I will not displace Him. In the presence of God I do not feel condemned because the victory is His and never did depend on me. In the presence of God, I never have to boast of my good deeds or my good character because the source of all good is God and my response is thanksgiving. In giving up my worthless nature, I am able to accept the free gift of God’s presence.
In the presence of God, I am flooded with love. I do not have to remind myself to love people nor do I have to make a show of loving people; it is as natural as letting light reflect off a mirror that others may also experience the love of God. In the presence of God I am full of Joy. Something like my first roller-coaster ride. No situation or person can take that joy away. In His presence, I have peace. My natural inward turmoil is given a rest. In His presence, I have patience which is not an act; it starts deep within. I see people as Jesus sees them. Not that I think everybody is okay. Quite the contrary! Jesus came because we were not okay. But every person is on the same level, needing to be in the presence of God. In the presence of God, I am not kind to people so that they will like me nor do I withhold kindness from those who will not. Kindness is Jesus within me and He gives to all equally. Being good is not something that is my achievement and it is not something that I take pride in. Only one is good and He is God. So being good is the character of Jesus worked out in my life. It is supernatural but it seems natural. It is not me. Because Jesus is faithful to me, I am also faithful to others. I am naturally a bit feisty but in His presence I am gentle. Self-control is a huge burden to me but in His presence He is in control and that seems easy.
I have learned that God is not far away such that the burden of life is on me. I can live in His presence in every situation and every moment. I am not a privileged person nor does God favor me above any other person. I have not worked harder or made myself better. I have believed that Jesus is who He said He is and that through the cross He is the way to the Father. I know that if I can let Him be God and me be his servant all the wonderful benefits of His presence are there to enjoy.
My old self is not in the presence of God and has never been fixed. If you remember that I have not always been so good, you are acquainted with the “Old Man”; he is still there but not in the presence of God. If you see me other than I have described, it is because I fell into the old habit; it is hard to break.
My fulfillment was found in the presence of God. I yielded my life to Jesus and you can, too. Let us know how we can continue this conversation.